| Arg |
[14 Nov 2009|06:22am] |
Boy do i feel silly... and annoyed.
I feel foolish for having posted my last entry.... I feel like a crazy person....
And there is some one on NewKin who, I think, is trolling but who has apparently been exposed to my writings. There's just oo many similarities to not be a troll. *sighs* Drama...
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| Iz can haz poity eerz? |
[14 Nov 2009|03:48am] |
I've been reading a book called "Elves Wights and Trolls" Thus far, I can't say enough good things about it.
The author found an interesting, all be it obscure, reference to dwarves/ black elves (the books treats them as the same beings) in an Anglo Saxon poem from the middle ages. It refered to them as "spider wights" and attributed them to disease.
The book also talked about enounters with elves and said that traditionally, elves are most often encountered in twilight as well as in misty drizzly weather. Both made me think of Rialian and his in- between talk and love of mist....
More to the point. I remembered seeing a mist in my room as a child that would alternate between being blue and gray. My mom saw it too.
I once had occasion to use red thread in relation to elves. I did so because my UPG said so. Later, in the book, I read that red thread was believed to attract the more helpful wights while repelling the thurses (think monsters).
My perception of time is all kinds of weird. Not now. Now I'm in "normal" mode, where I can look at a clock and understand what it said, where one time frame is moving in one direction. I can function in my normal state, but when the walls come down, my perception of time becomes vastely expanded and... fluid... and would not allow me to function within society. Anyone who studies elves and fay knows they exist outside what humans would pereive as normal time and, quite often, the human in question ends up the worse for it.
When I read that elf- touched people were said to come back very sad (sometimes crazy, sometimes stupid/ oafish), I remembered one part of my early childhood, around the same time the mists would occationally roll into my room. I would often cry for not reason. Granted, there were probably many real life reasons that I was incapable of articulating. I grew up in a very angry household, but it's sometimes that sticks out.
When I was born, my white blood cell count was elevated, so I was put in an incubator, so I didn't have the human contact most babies would have had from the get go. Also, I had several surgeries when I was a very young child. I have memories that lead me to believe I went out of body. So, I can imagine where, in these cases, part of my soul- system may have left, and another... something... may have walked in.
I remember being told that I was "wize beyone your years" by my father quite often when in grade school.... I've never thought of myself as wise, just that allot of other people were idiots. LOL
I think some of the otherkin really are onto something, as much as I self rightously grope about the loonies.
While considering that I may be elf touched or even a changeling, I was gently advised not to jumpt to conclusions, to be thoughtful and careful about such things... My response was, "But I'm talking to you guys...." Changelings are supposed to have a connection to the otherworld, and by "you guys" I mean the feeling all us religious weirdos have of talking with our gods.
I mean, it's good advice, especially since changelings aren't all sweatness and light, and let's face it, if I'm a fucking black elf... well hell... just fuck. I won't have an easy time in spiritual circles if they actually have perceptive people. LOL Also, yay for spiders and phantom eyes in the back of my head. LOL I mean, fuck, I feel related to particular land masses and that glaciers are my counsins! I've thought the words "host body" when thinking about myself. I fucking almost told a boyfriend, while still waking, "I'm a black rock in the morning." Something is amiss.
I don't have the baalls to declare myself and elf, not to the gods and wights anyway. Even "elf touched" or "elf kin" sound pretentious. But damn, when you feel a differently shaped body laying in your own body... But then, I could also be dealing with shifing, channeling or something else I don't know about.
Any advice on how to sort through all this?
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| Brigits Flame |
[14 Nov 2009|12:07am] |
Brigits_flame is a writing community on LJ. Every month there is a contest with four weekly contests. Each week there is a new story topic. You can also do Just for Fun entries each week which is what I am doing this month because I didn't finish my story for the first week of the contest. This week the topic is key. This is my untitled story:
If you really want to know what the key to my heart is I will tell you how I find it. It is a story that I think you will enjoy.
First I wait. I wish there was a better way but there isn't. I never know when it will happen but one day I will see her. She will be the perfect girl for me in that moment. She is usually young, lithe, dark-haired. Blonds never present a challenge so they don't interest me. I live near the college and watch the young women looking for the one but it doesn't have to be a college girl. She can be anywhere, downtown, at the grocery store or the library. That is why I have to be patient and watch carefully so I don't miss her.
My heart lurches the first time I see her. I will never get over the thrill of finding my next love. My love is intense and I don't want to frighten her so I quietly follow her. I hold back and sometimes have to duck out of sight so she doesn't notice me. The time is not yet right for us to meet. When I meet the woman of my heart for the first time, it must be special. It has to be right. She may not understand at first, but I am the man who can give her everything.
I follow her to where she lives, an apartment in an old Victorian house. I watch her for days, learning her patterns. She gets up early and goes to her classes. For lunch she goes to a little sandwich shop a few blocks from the college. Then she goes to work. She is a companion for an elderly lady who can't get out. She will do errands for her, but mostly she reads to her or they chat over tea. As you can see, I am a careful, close observer. In the evening, sometimes she goes to the library and sometimes she goes home to study.
As I watch her, my passion for her grows. But still I must wait for the right time. Timing is everything. As I continue watching her, I plan. I know I have much to offer her and everything has to be perfect. She deserves my best. As I wait for the moment to be right, I prepare a place for us.
The time is finally here. It is December and it is night already. Snow is falling. I see her leave her employer. This is one the nights she goes home. I follow her quickly, silently. The only street light is at the end of the street. As she fumbles in the dark for her keys, I slip into place behind her and bring the prepared cloth up to her face. Within seconds she is slumped in my arms. This is as it should be. We are not quite ready to meet yet and I don't want her to be afraid. She lives on a dead end street with woods behind the house and snow falls softly as I head into the trees to the place I have prepared. It is a small area where trees do not grow. I lay her on a fallen log in the small clearing. This is the meeting place, the place where we can be alone. I bring candles out of my pack and find places on the log that will hold them. As I light the candles, I see her begin to stir. Before she awakens completely, I take a roll of duct tape from the pack and quickly bind her wrists and ankles.
I can tell when she regains consciousness because her eyes fly open, wide and frantic. I rush to reassure her, to tell her that she is the woman of my heart and I am the man who can give her everything. She struggles but doesn't scream. I think she can see that there is no one but us. I tell her we must be united as one. Her eyes never leave me as I pick up the pack. She watches as I thrust my hand inside. This is always the way. First I watch her, then she watches me. Does she wonder what gift I have for her? It is a beautiful gift. The blade of the knife gleams silver in the moonlight. Watch, I whisper. Her eyes follow every movement as I raise the blade in the air and plunge it down into her chest. Warm blood spurts up over my hands as
he watches. The key to my heart is obsession. Our love that cannot last but in the moment of her death I look into her eyes and she is my soul-mate.
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| From the top of the mountain, you cannot see the mountain. |
[14 Nov 2009|02:58am] |
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+ Heard from a friend of mine today; he updated me on the state of his cancer treatment. Just finished chemo, operation soon to take stuff out. Here's hoping.
+ Talked to my aunt for a while; been too long!
+ Was totally on my own at work, accomplished a lot without worrying about people watching/interrupting me...also blasted crunchy industrial music yay.
+ Mad Max marathon on AMC tonight, woohoo. Stopped like halfway through Beyond Thunderdome cause I kept falling asleep...and yet here I am on the internet.
- My stomach is being weird today.
- I have to get up at 8 am tomorrow.
- I am considering canceling plans I made with someone at Fallout for tomorrow night in favor of doing something different. I think perhaps I'll switch off...birthday party, then Fallout, then back to party? We shall see. (This is a minus cause I hate bailing on people. ...even when I want to do something else, heh.)
- My emotions need to die in a fire. Seriously. They are impeding my ability to be all robot-like and stuff. Yeah.
+/- I suppose in the long run the emotions are okay...they've just been doing way too much back-and-forth lately. I'm usually much more chill in my own mind...or rather, it's been some years since I wasn't chill. I remember what it was like to be depressed and distressed and all caught up in the microcosm of my emotional needs. Lamesauce. That is what I have to say about that.
+ On the bright side, facing the emotional silliness is forcing me to acknowledge The Real World, which is always a good thing. No matter how caring of a person I am, that alone is not enough to cause someone else to care for me. That either happens or it doesn't. Nothing I can do about it, so best not to get too attached either way.
+ I have a nice burn on my left hand to match the one on my right! Heh. It's a much milder one, so should heal up pretty quickly.
+ I've been in a really intuitive, musical place lately. I'm enjoying it.
+/- Also been feeling weirdly antsy, violent...post-apocalyptic. I keep daydreaming about random post-apocalyptic scenarios and what stressful choices I would have to make. About suffering. Usually when I daydream about suffering it's a release of stress formed in real life... I suppose that makes sense then.
Mmmmm bedtime. yay five hours of sleep! >D
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| Vitamin's for hair, skin and nails. |
[13 Nov 2009|11:30pm] |
Hello natural livers (live-ers, that is).
I went to the store to day to try and figure out what is the best way for me to get the vitamins I want to start taking for hair, skin and nails. Mainly what I am interest in is: evening primrose oil, biotin and silica, possibly MSM as well. I am wondering what is the maximum amount of each of these that your body can absorb, if anyone knows?
Or, alternatively, does anyone know of a great multi for this kind of stuff? Vegetarian preferred, but not necessary, cost effective is necessary. I am trying to decide if it is more cost effective to just by separate supplements or a multi, but so far all of the multis I have found have very little of each of these things in it, and a whole bunch of other stuff, I already take a multi so I am set on that, just looking to add some specific stuff.
TIA!!!
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| National Library of Ireland’s new digital directory of Irish studies |
[13 Nov 2009|09:24pm] |
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[InstituteforFeminismandReligion] New research resource at National Library of Ireland.Friday, November 13, 2009 12:09 AM
A new research resource has come online at the National Library of Ireland which should be of great benefit to all involved in women's/gender history research.
http://sources. nli.ie
By logging on to ‘Sources’, the National Library of Ireland’s new digital directory of Irish studies (http://sources. nli.ie), people can now retrieve any one of up to 196,574 records of materials housed in the National Library of Ireland or in universities and research institutions around the world. Subjects covered in the materials range from art, architecture and archaeology through economics and genealogy to history, politics, literature, science and zoology.
The ‘Sources’ digital directory pinpoints exactly what Irish interest material is held where – information which previously could only be accessed by consulting the bulky printed catalogues in either the National Library of Ireland in Dublin or one of a limited number of university libraries or major research institutions holding the complete set of printed records. With the click of a mouse anyone can now access the Sources database via a PC and can start the process of researching what material exists on a particular topic, and in what library or institution around the world that material is held.
For the first time, it will be possible to search the manuscript and periodicals records together. As a result, someone doing research on their local area might find information about manuscript maps, estate papers and business records for local shopkeepers, as well as details for articles in local history journals. Once the records are found, the information can be easily emailed or shared to bookmarking and social networking sites such as Delicious and Twitter. Other features of ‘Sources’ include an interactive map showing the location of all the archives and libraries around the world where the Irish material listed is stored. Full contact details for each outlet are also provided.
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| Flower Photo Post |
[13 Nov 2009|10:53pm] |
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Lady Gaga "Bad Romance" EURO DANCE! |
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I have a hobby of taking pictures of plants. I was inspired by ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) llamrei's photo posts of some of the really adorable animals she works with, so I figured maybe someone else would like to see some of the pictures I've taken. They aren't nearly as cute, but I think they're pretty none the less.
( Fall Flowers )
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| Wedding foo |
[13 Nov 2009|09:51pm] |
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Survived the rehersal and rehersal dinner. Now on to the bachelor party. Geek night out.
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![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/syndicated.gif){kind=small}